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♥ w ²
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Rantings, complains and problems.
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the diva.

Things aren't presented to me on a silver platter,
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I am ordinary but living the life of an extraordinary. A pressured teenager working to perfection,
yours - Rachael Wong.



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Tuesday, December 20, 2011 @ 7:06 PM
Coming to an end.

How is 2011 treating you? A few more days and 2011 will come to an end! It's time to reflect and picture this;

"It's December 31st. The clock strikes midnight. Suddenly, it's 2011 all over again and you have the chance to redo everything. Would you?"

Yes, I definitely would. 2011 was such a horrible year for me, without hesitation, second thoughts or anything like that, I'd definitely redo 2011!

1) I would have spent more time with my late grandmother. During her last two months all I did was feel bitter about it. We can never truly be prepared for death even when you see it coming. Every single night I cried myself to sleep thinking about her leaving. She was so dear to heart, spent 19 years of my life with her. True enough, I tried to escape the pain. I tried to avoid knowing the fact that she was ill. I wanted to feel as though she was living her healthy life. But it was difficult when every single day I see her weaker and thinner. Till the day she could hardly speak or even look me in the eye. It's so heart breaking. But it's all good now, I still miss her but I know she's in better hands. I hope they have potted plants above for you to take care of. I hope they serve your favourite food and ice cream and chilled drinks for your sweet tooth. I hope they treat you as well as I thought I did. Most of all, I hope you're happy reuniting with grandpa. I love you popo!

2) I'd redo my internship differently. I wouldn't say the internship I did was bad. It's just that I felt it didn't provide me the knowledge and experience that I was looking forward to. I'd redo my internship in a corporate company when I deal with clients etc instead of just my boss. I wish I had colleagues. I wish I knew more people.

3) I wish you didn't find me on Talkbox. I wish we didn't exchange numbers. I wish we didn't started texting. I wish we didn't started talking on the phone. And what I wish most was that I didn't decided to meet you that night. If I didn't meet you that night, we wouldn't have kept going out. My feelings for you wouldn't have went so deep. I wouldn't have hurt myself this much. For so many months!

As for you;

I wish you didn't acted as though you fell for me. I wish you didn't acted as though I was your world. I wish you didn't show me how was it to be loved, to be happy. Despite all these, I wish you didn't leave me. I wish you didn't treat me like this. I wish you actually did love me. I wish you were truly happy when you were with me.

I guess instead of blaming you, I really wish that I actually stick to my words about not opening my heart to anyone. But with you I got weak. I fell so deep for you in the shortest time because of how close we were. But when I finally realised that the relationship was wrong, it was too late for me to pull myself out of the hell hole. It was too difficult to tell myself not to love you anymore. Well six months down the road and I still don't know what we are anyway. I've did too much, sacrificed too much. You can't even see my effort. You don't even see how much I'm hurting. You don't know me at all. Until today, I still wish I didn't do so much for you. I wish I didn't sacrifice my time for meeting you, and most importantly I really wish I didn't quit my job because of you. You may not be the only reason I quit, but you were partially the biggest reason why I decided to quit. Why? Because you said we don't spend enough time together because I work till weeee hours. And so for you, I quit. I guess it wasn't all that worth it after all. You left me not long after that. And I had all the time in the world to feel miserable and horrible and bitter about it. :'( But it's all the past now, it's not that I regret meeting you again, I just regret doing so much and falling so deep. Given another chance I'd probably still meet you. But perhaps I'd just take things slower and meet you less and hopefully didn't fall so deep for you! );

Hmmm, three regrets in a year. I guess thats not too bad right? What about you? (;