I rolled myself to sleep, I couldn't help but to think about it.
As these tears roll down my cheek, I think and asked "Why did it turn out this way?" I don't know how I landed in this position and how can I fall so hard. It hurts, it really does. I don't know how to explain. I don't know where to begin. I am amazed with how long I stayed this way.
I tried to keep myself occupied so I wouldn't have time to think about it. But as I try harder and harder, the more I get reminded! I thought maybe I should tell you, but as I type the message. I just keep deleting and re-writing it all over again. And then I'd get fed up and just give up writing. ):
Please keep me away from this pain. Friends, please give me motivation and support to go through this. I really need it. );
I dreamt that we were together, we were happy. But well, its just a dream. Waking up made me felt sad because I know I will never be apart of that smile of yours. Over and over again, I try to tell myself that we could never be more than friends.
"Sometimes, fate has a cruel way of putting things together. Maybe its better if people just give up when there's no point in fighting someone anymore. When the ship has finally sailed, only a fool would go after when its already miles away. But sometimes its a lot better to be a fool to go after what we want and need, rather than to regret everything in the end because we never even tried." - Michelle Pik Kei
I know I might sound crazy, but I think I love you.
And so I've been thinking a little too much. Till the extend that I feel wrong every single time I go through the topic. Maybe no one's at fault, but put the blame on me will you? If it wasn't because of my ego, we might have been greater friends or such. Or perhaps no one has the initiative to make things better. Well, I tried. And I've really gotta stop thinking. ): Its draining my happiness away!
Despite all this that has been interrupting my mind, I've got my holiday plans to clear my mind. But I hope its gonna be good for relaxation. Before I say hello to torture, I better enjoy myself.
More business for me please! So I'd get more income! Then I'll get to travel more often and to many more places! Gotta work harder, harder and harder to achieve it!
Few days ago was reading through a blog and came across Craig's Insomnia. Didn't read much but I just youtube-ed it to listen. I've seriously never heard of it before. Talk about outdated! Hahah! Okay not the point. So this afternoon out of no where, during brunch. June started singing "Feels like insomnia~" I was caught by surprised. Asked her how come she's singing the song. And that's when she told me this Korean artiste, Wheesung covered the song.
So i youtube-ed it and went back to the blog. And the blog owner did write about Wheesung's version but I clearly wasn't paying attention! I am more hooked on Wheesung's version though. His moves caught my attention.
Okay forget about google because I can't seem to find a decent picture of Wheesung. He seems good looking on stage, but when it comes to pictures. Hmmmm. He somehow looks different.
Check his moves! Nothing to shout about, but somehow I am just so hooked into listening to his version and watching how he dances his way through out the video! Though I don't understand what he sings either than "feels like insomnia~" Hahaha.
I'm liking the song more! :D
Anyhooow, I am anticipating for a more exciting Sunday! Please surprise me with fun! Because Saturday was boring and dull! I spent my Saturday doing research about air fairs! But it all ended up with disappointment! Taiwan is superbly cheap with Airasia X. I WANT TO GO TAIWAN. So okay, I can only fly in July. So i put that a side as college is starting and I don't know my schedule.
So i search search search and, Airasia X to Perth is quite cheap as well. I can fly by May! And I thought it would be a good time to enjoy before college stars! But no one seems to be keen on going. FINE, another turn off. So I put that a side and just pray that I have flexible schedule so I can fly to Taiwan.
At the moment my Club Med trip doesn't seem to be moving anywhere near destination or bookings. So, I guess worse come to worse I'll TRY to go Langkawi in May. Low fairs with Airasia. pss/ I sound like I am advertising for Airasia -_-"
If anyone would like to sponsor me a trip to anywhere nice, please feel free to contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Hahaha, well no. I am just bullshitting because I am desperately in need of a vacation! :D
Currently I am hooked to this game on wii. When my sister first brought home all these games, we only played wii sports, smarty pants, monopoly, mario and such. Never thought an adventure game would be much fun as well. Hahaha.
I'd probably go looking for a guitar-hero-like game. Hahaha. Any nice games to introduce? (:
Whats up for me tomorrow? I hope its exciting! All of a sudden out of no where I actually feel like going to Genting for the fresh and slightly cold air breeze! Stopped for a few games by the arcade or such. Even a cup of coffee will do me good. (:
After some thinking, I also thought of getting myself drunk because there's just too much going on. But I wouldn't imagine myself drinking alone. There's no fun in that! Someone get me drunk can? Hahah, no I'm kidding. Wait, do I already sound like I am drunk? Hahah! No, i'm total bull shitting! :P
Have a great weekend everyone! (;
I had some errands to run. Completed everything around KL, dropped by at Sungei Wang first. Got it done and finally left some time to do some shopping in Pavilion. Its been ages since I went to Pavilion. Though there's not much changes. Though they've added a few more high end brands. Scrolling through the high end area, all I could do was drool my way through. Prada, Burberry, Gucci and such. It was to die for. I currently am craving for a Prada, which also means I've gotta work hard to earn it. (: Well, okay we'll put this aside for the time being. (:
The very missed toilet. HAHA!
And the very missed Thye Hong fried prawn noodles! :D Went home pretty early that day.
But wast then again dragged out by them to OU. :D Watched he's just not that into you. I bet it was a bore for him. Hahah!
After the movie, we had dinner at Chili's. Thats the part where I did the wrongest thing! By ordering a honey thingy majeeky!
I like this picture can? :D
Came to my surprise I saw Elvis there! Hahaha. I saw him from far and it made my heart skips a beat and I didn't even dare to look! Hahaha. I thought I heard him say "hey." or perhaps he didn't at all. (: Anyhooow, this is pretty much my-oh-so-busy-day. Hahah! I know this post is a little pointless.
People can live without love from a guy, but not a life without a career. Put everything aside, I'll do more for a better career. (:
Well I certainly have thought a lot while watching this movie. And perhaps after watching it as well. A lot went through my mind. From A to Z. Unexpected things often happen, as much as you don't want it to happen. It just does. Out of your expectations! When you least expect it to. :(
Well, whats a happy ending? Getting married and being happily ever after could be a happy ending. Not being married might be a happy ending. But in my case, maybe the happy ending is moving on. (:
Can you imagine your husband cheating on you? Maybe not husband, perhaps your boyfriend! Well I've been there, and I've went through the pain and I am proud to say that I did move on. (; I'd say 9 out of 10 guys cheat. Or perhaps 10 out of 10 does cheat! Its sad to say that at the very end of the day, its the ladies who suffer most.
To the men's, one fine day you'll realise where you went wrong. But bare in mind, by the time you realised, its already too late to turn back time. (: Have fun, bastards!
At one part of the movie, the guy said something like "Why does these girls have something in them which makes them think something else?" Well it was more or less like that, so yeah why do girls have these things planted in them? Perhaps its the insecurity the guys gives them. I mean, I don't know. But I guess girls are girls, they like to think. :)
pss/ Yesterday was a busy day, I'll blog about it. :D
I actually have another blog which revolves about what actually happens to me and what I actually go through. Bits and pieces of information about my daily routine. But I guess I will bore the shit out of you. But I am amazed with that blog host because it enables password protected posting. I can spill every single penny in my pocket. But if you heck in, good for you. You know my dirty little secret!
I went for Amali today. And it bore the shit out of me. I swear there were 3 sessions and they were basically repeating the same old shit. Is there nothing better they could say. Teacher A says correct 3 of your mirrors, left right and centre. Another teacher say don't touch the mirror on the left. Who to obey?! Bullshit.
Make everything worth while. (:
Well tried my luck to do what I should and I did. But too bad, service unavailable? Hahah. Oh well, things are half normal now, to know if its fully normal or not then I've just gotta wait and see. (: Hopefully it is.
Sigh, I am going for a 6 hour amali shit tomorrow and I hope I won't bore the shit out of myself there. I already couldn't stand the 5 hour kursus. What more a 6 hour thing? I guess to drive is not so easy after all. You've gotta go through so much procedures!
I hope I won't fall asleep. ):
There's actually this personal problem which has been bothering me for quite some time now. Not like anyone bothers to care what's been happening. Not even my closed ones, what more friends? I mean I'm actually avoiding it as much as I could but I know things have gotta be solved. Its just a matter of time! Avoiding isn't the way to solve things, but I'm just hoping day after day that things well be back in pieces. Things will turn out to be normal! ):
It seems like I have a lot of things left undone. I seem so busy but I'm actually doing nothing at all! Besides that, I've gotta get some stuff for my room, not only that I've gotta go for Amali course and driving classes! And which also reminds me to share that I've passed undang! 45/50! Also, I've gotta sign up for college and to get ready for college and such. ):
In a way, I'm actually feeling depressed and pressured. Yeah at one point I could be really happy and just seconds after that I could be really moody. Especially when I get to release the stress! I go all happy and then its when I get calmed that all the thinking comes along.
I'm all alone now.
I had sleepless nights for a few days! Due to some things that had to be done very early in the morning! I sleep superbly late and wake up superbly early! After I got everything done, I finally had some time to actually have some good sleep.
Was suppose to have dinner with Zyna and the bunch. But Zyna had to get some things done before she leaves, so we headed over to her house to wait for her. I saw her golden retriever! :D
Whisky is his name. Her poodle is Mocha while Theng's chihuahua is Baileys. Why do all their dogs revolve around drinks? Haha!
Was watching Zyna's wedding dinner's DVD and came across some moments which wasn't supposed to be caught on tape! Hahaha! Loved the way they film the whole process. Well more like the starting of the whole dinner. The way they actually zoomed in towards the name of the restaurant and the couple's name. And also the way they actually tooke the video of the lightings and flowers etc. But not when all the havoc starts! Hahaha!
Zyna came downstairs with longer hair than usual. It could only be one reason! Hair extensions! Hahaha! We played around for a little with it and too bad it shows no difference when its on my hair!
But you can see the difference in his! Hahah, VCD/DVD peddler! HAHA! I still remember how we used to "doll" him up in Zyna's store last time. Hahahaha! Why is he always the victim? :P
Dinner at some place in Cheras. I could hardly recall where I really was! Haha!
Theng's manicure done in Shenzhen. Heard its pretty cheap there. I think it will cost about 200-300 in KL? Or perhaps more? I have no idea. She said her pedicure is even nicer but she was wearing boots that night! So I didn't see it. Feel the jealousy in me will you? Haha.
It was my first time to Theng's bar after she opened it for quite some time. Its almost 4 months now. A bigger place compared to her first bar and a less commercialized place compared to her previous club. Feel free to drop by at her place, Blue @ Pridez in Cheras, behind Leisure Mall.
Look at his expression! HAHAH!
Rudy, a friend from Jakarta keeps getting disturbed by the "boys" at Pridez. Hahah and he is as shy as hell when it comes to them!
Its been so long since the last time I hanged out with Zyna, Xzendra & Ej. We definitely had some crazy moments in the car, especially everytime we go through a bump, because there's 6 of us in a car and the bumps are high. Hence we have to "lift" up our butts! Oh oh! Not forgetting about cucumbers, lotus roots, sea cucumbers, bitter gourds, brinjals, corns which turns into pop corns and such! Lol, our dirty little secret.
Welcome to Pridez. (: Up to your wild imaginations alright? Haha!
I are so anger. I hate people with small feet! I despise people who wears a small shoe size! I hate hate! I despise! :( Because my feet is so huge that it wouldn't look nice on most shoes! So sad can. A pair of sandals or a pair of wedge. That's what I really need right now.
I'd pay the price for a pair of Aldo, Nine West and even Steve Madden if i come across a pair which I'd die for. But no, I don't know why people in Europe or wherever the brand is from has such small and a not so broad feet?! You make me feel like a giant! I have no pretty shoes to wear! :(
I am in desperate need of a pair of sandals and wedge. :(
I constantly have the urge to eat. Previously when I stopped working, I wake up at 1pm and then I eat at 4pm, just an egg. I got used to the lifestyle of waking up late and eating only an egg for brunch! But then I started to wake up earlier and started to take lunch because I ran out of drama's to boil. :( And so now I've gained some weight. Yes, because I've received some comments about me losing weight. All you people's fault who said I was thinner! :( Pft!
Okay now, I am working back on my diet. I've definitely gotta lose some pounds. And if I really do lose 5kgs, Michael Kors is mine! But then again, like I've mentioned. I constantly have the urge to eat, eat and EAT! Its just so tempting you know! I better get some new dramas, so that I don't have to think about food instead, I'll be concentrating on the drama! Any new drama to recommend? :D You can laugh all you want. ):
I REFUSE to use my iPhone to go online! My bill was supposed to be about 60 or so, it turned out to be 200++! ): Con case! )@*$(%@)#*!#
psst, its about 1am already, and i am thinking of mamak food. )):
A girl can dream and a girl can really dream! And a girl's expectation will never end, a girl's desire will never end. Every girl would probably want a designer bag, from Louis Vuitton, to Gucci, Prada, Chanel, Burberry and every designer brand you can think of right now. And I am sorry that I own the cheapest LV in the whole collection k? Well, ever heard of start from the scratch? And though I am not moving since I've gotten that scratch, but well. Just bare with my cheapest LV k? :(
My current desireS. Hahaha!
Nokia E-71. Having it makes me feel professional and most of all look professional even if I am not! :P Though I keep telling myself that both my phones are in good condition, but I secretly want it!
Michael Kors black diamond. :D And so I was at Gardens earlier in the afternoon. I was browsing through watches at the counter. Went through all their collection for a few rounds but never see a sight of the Michael Kors collection. Because I was paying attention to the D&G and DKNY collections! I saw a bunch of chrono watches next to the DKNY's, I zoomed in and it was the Michael Kors that I wanted! I instantly asked the sales girl to let me try it on. And there was only one word to describe it. Fantabulouslymarvelouslysplendid!
Wanting and getting is two different things. Well I think what I need more would be a watch compared to a new phone.
And my my all time desire. (:
Toyota Alphard. One day k? You'll see me driving this car
as a driver
as a proud owner! HAHA. I know this is a very family car type. But I somehow like big cars.
I'll do good with a Toyota Harrier also! :P HAHAH! Okay lah, going too far leads to no where, I know i know. :D Gotta snap out from day dreaming!
Haven't been feeling very happy lately. I mean, I don't know what's wrong with me. But this is getting on me. ); I need a little laughter. I feel like a vacation. But money doesn't grow on trees. Feeling a little stress when there's actually nothing to be stressed out over. I'm not in college, I'm not working, I'm just bumming at home! So what is there to stress about? Sigh, I've lost my directions. ):
At this point, my posting is getting a little pointless. Sorry, please excuse me.
Confused. What is it that I really want? I don't know what or where went wrong, but you're constantly still on my mind. You were the one I turn to when I had my times. I hope you could still be the one, but I doubt it. Hope you're doing great. You're dearly missed. (:
I did a shoot early in the morning today. Its not anything big, but it was very tiring. I napped for about three hours after coming back. Eat, sleep, eat! I'm growing sideways! :D
Anyway was at Paparich earlier. From then I realised that rich people are problematic. HAHA. Not all, but some. And sad to say I've seen one of the rich problematic group. Okay, I mean there's is a tad bit jealousy in me. I mean, who wouldn't prefer a more colourful life. So okay, Coach bag, Dolce&Gabbana tshirts, Hugo jeans and no other than the latest 3g iPhone.
I was playing with my phone and they couldn't stop staring. What?! Does my facial expression ask for your attention? Or did my phone seek for your attention? Rich people. Pft.
Can use money as your tissue roll also can. Wipe your ass with money, go ahead. ;D
Okay maybe right now I am the one who sounds like a problematic one. No? Hahaha! :P
Few nights ago I was watching Khalil Fong's Wonderland Concert 2008 on DVD. At some point it was pretty boring, only because I wasn't there live. At some point, its where you would want to jump up from your chair and sing along with him ! I mean how can someone be so fabulously perfect? Didn't run from any single tune, no pitching problem, no wrong notes on the guitar nor the piano and didn't forget his lyrics! Can someone be so perfect?! Not only that he's perfect, has has 4 freaking albums and all are written by HIMSELF. I don't know if he produced them himself, but at least he wrote it ALL himself.
Enjoyed their performance the most! Khalil Fong & Andy Chou. Though I have exactly no clue about this Andy person, but their performance entertained me the most. You would hardly see that sight of Khalil Fong. Jumping and dancing around. One in a million! :D
Khalil's having his concert about end of the year, not in Malaysia though. How I wish he would come here. :D I'd die to go and sit down and let him mesmerize me with his stunning vocals!
I'd go for the most expensive ticket, probably in the first row and then drool all over the floor looking at how cute he is. But the most annoying thing during his Wonderland 2008 concert was his pimple on his left side of his face. So irritating that I'd go on stage and squeeze it for him. HAHAHA!
What's keeping me busy either than the fact that I am currently JOBLESS and not in college? Well, lately my grandma have not been feeling so well. So I've been a baby-sitter. :D I cook for her and the family! :D Though its really very simple, but yeah its self satisfaction! (:
Besides that, Nintendo Wii has been keeping me company for the past few days as well. Couldn't stop playing Wii Sports and I believe if I keep this up I'll probably build some muscle. My hand hurts like *tooot! Its a good exercise but at the same time its killing me to continue playing. Well I haven't been active in sports and so yes thats why my hand hurts now. Even right now typing is giving me some difficulties! No I'm not exaggerating! Its true!
And guess what I've discovered? Well, no its not a hidden treasure or some creatures that's been living in my store room. I found a.... well can I put it under old school? I'd say an old school fish eye lense? :D
I don't know how old is this thing but its for at least 20-30 years. Or more! Came to my surprise it still works perfectly on my D60.
The colour somehow seems a little dull. For me at least.
For the past few days I've been cleaning up my room. Its very not me! Knowing that I cleaned my room without being asked to do so. I looked at my messy table and my messy shelves. I couldn't stand the sight of it. The amount of albums in the shelves and those rubbish on my table. I don't even have place to put my laptop or do my work. My tables very small, because my room is very small. So that's why there's not much place for anything and everything. :P
So yes, I cleaned my shelves. Omg, I can't believe the amount of cd's I have! o.O Which also means, I can't believe I'd spend on those!
Holy cow! That's a lot! Its all in boxes now. I only packed because I want to get a new shelf. I have to first get rid of the old one before I get a new one. Which also reminded me that I actually threw FIVE freaking big paper bags of things. Posters, banners, blablabla. Everything. And when I saw the rubbish man collect it, he actually went through it! Yucks!
I also came across my tags for concerts and etc.
And also my pin-board.
Now that I've packed, my table looks like its so much more organized than before. I have more space now! I'm liking it. Will like it even more when I get to get rid of the shelves! :D Weee~ Now all the albums are in a big box. Maybe I should keep it in the store room or perhaps under my bed and let it collect dust.
Anyhoow, I now have the habit of blogging in advance. I save drafts and then adjust the posting time. In fact, this very post itself is done earlier. Well, maybe because when inspiration comes. I just blog. But then want to publish it at a later date. I don't know whats the cost of this. But I guess there's no specific reason huh? Hahah. ;P
Tomorrow's the day that we have our annual cheng beng. To some who doesn't know what it means, let's just put it this way. Chinese Prayers? (: I am feeling excited, I feel like I have a lot to say to my grandpa. (: We'll see then ;PHeal my heart and mend my broken soul.