I know how it's only natural that changes take place in life. But sometimes I wish time would stop. They say that happiness and sadness run apparel to each other, but why does sadness keep running and it wouldn't stop and wouldn't take a break? I need happiness to catch up and honestly it seems like it's not gonna be easy. Whatever that I see is not what my mind can adapt, and it's not doing me any good. It's pulling my confidence so low that I don't even know where should I begin to pick myself up again.
I don't know why can't I accept myself for who I am. I keep comparing myself to people, I keep wanting to be better. I keep wanting to be someone else, I keep wanting to be 'accepted' when I don't even accept myself. I sort of got a wake up call from my friend today, I know he may not be serious but at least I realised that someone actually accepts me for who I am. Be it fat or skinny, pretty or ugly. I guess the problem is myself and no one can really change this perception for me.
I'll continue working for what I want. I'll keep chasing for my goal, even if it takes the rest of my life. Because I know this is the only way that I can gain back what I've lost. Not physically, but at least mentally. And I know if I don't love myself, no one is gonna love me neither.
It's not love that I'm talking about. It's not that I can't let go, I simply can't forget. And well the bitter truth is, I'm just jealous. For the past 7 months, I've been nothing but shitty. I've only been torturing myself and I clearly know that I need to put a fucking end to all this nonsense.
Along the way, I've lost everyone that I had. No one's ever there for me anymore. I tell my problems to people that I'm not even close to. I ask for advice from people whom I hardly know. Tell me, how aimless could I be?
And tonight, it's all happening again. These tears, has gotta go!