"You have no confidence. You're not even comfortable under your own skin. Its not that you have flaws, but you're just not giving yourself a chance. You keep putting yourself down. Its good to be humble, but not to the extend that you down grade yourself and keep on thinking you're not good enough."
The above is exactly what my friend said to me. I don't know how to build confidence, I don't know how to think that I am good for something! I don't know why I have no confidence, I don't know why I am always thinking about how bad I am, I don't know why do I always give myself negative comments, I have no idea why this is just the way things are! Well I guess there are a lot of things that has no explanations for the way it is.
Well, its about time that I should have straighten things up. In fact I should have done this long ago! I know, i say this over and over again but no actions are taken. But somehow, I wish I really would stop it because I know its really pulling me down!
*I totally just stoned here.*
First things first, let bygones be bygones. That person should be forgotten because he wasn't even real from the beginning. It was probably one of my wires that went wrong which made me believe those things he said. I know this person is amazing because he knows exactly when I want to let go, and that's when he comes talking to me. Well, I don't know if you've been reading my blog or you read minds. But I've been thinking a little too much, till the extend that it actually hurts! For the past 2 years+ I've not let anyone in except you. Well, to even begin with. We were never anything. Merely friends! No, I'm not blaming you. It was probably me who just think too much. (: I gave myself hope, I got myself into this mess and I should be getting myself out of it. Besides, maybe we're people from two different worlds, as cliche as it may sound.
It was you who made me forget the past I thought I never could. You were the one who made me open my heart once again when I thought I never will. I've tried to give my everything. I've tried my very best to be the best for you. You'll never know how it felt to be me. I am tired. Tired of trying. I've tried to pick up various broken pieces to mend it back and I'll tell myself, its just as good as new! I've tried, but I won't be trying anymore. As good as you may be, and as much as I love you, its coming to this end where I decide to officially let go. (: It was never easy to make a decision, including this.
19th April, 3rd year.